Many people struggling with food find themselves stuck in patterns of thinking. They might have rigid thinking around food such as:
- “I can only eat this brand.”
- “I must eat at exactly this time.”
- “If I can’t have my usual food, I’ll skip eating.”
- “That food is bad.”
- “I should be ashamed for eating that.”
These thoughts can show up in people with eating disorders, neurodivergent individuals, or both. While routines and predictability can feel safe, there comes a point when rigid thinking around food often reduces flexibility, increases stress, and makes it harder to meet nutritional needs.
The good news? Recovery doesn’t require becoming completely flexible overnight. Even small amounts of flexibility can make life easier and improve nutrition.
The Link Between Autism and Eating Disorders
Research consistently shows a significant overlap between autism and eating disorders. Studies suggest that autistic individuals are at increased risk of developing eating disorders, and autistic traits are more common among people receiving treatment for eating disorders. Researchers have identified a reliable association between autism and feeding and eating disorders, with outcomes often being more complex when both are present.
The overlap is particularly well-established in Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). A 2025 meta-analysis found that approximately 16% of people with ARFID had an autism diagnosis, while around 11% of autistic individuals met criteria for ARFID. Often ARFID traits are considered to be under the umbrella of Autism, so ARFID may not be separately diagnosed in neurodivergent people.
There are many possible reasons for this connection, including:
- Sensory sensitivities to taste, texture, smell, temperature, or appearance
- Preference for routine and predictability
- Difficulty coping with uncertainty
- Strong rule-based thinking
- Interoceptive differences (difficulty recognising hunger, fullness, or body signals)
- Using food-related routines as a source of safety and control
It’s important to remember that not every autistic person has an eating disorder, and not everyone with an eating disorder is autistic. However, understanding the overlap can help explain why food flexibility may be particularly challenging for some people.
How Rigid Thinking Shows Up Around Food
Rigid thinking isn’t always obvious.
Sometimes it looks like:
- Only eating foods prepared in a specific way
- Eating the same foods every day
- Refusing substitutions
- Avoiding social eating situations
- Feeling distressed if a preferred food is unavailable
- Following strict food rules resulting in a high level of distress if these rules are challenged
- Labelling foods as “good” or “bad”
These patterns often develop for understandable reasons. They may reduce anxiety, minimise sensory discomfort, or create a sense of control. Many of these patterns are soothing and helpful for individuals and may not need addressing at all.
When Does Food Become Too Rigid?
Having favourite foods, routines, and preferred foods is not inherently a problem. Many people find comfort and predictability in familiar foods.
The question isn’t whether you have food preferences. The question is whether those preferences are beginning to limit your life.
You may have tipped into unhelpful rigidity if:
- You regularly skip meals because your preferred food isn’t available.
- Your list of accepted foods is gradually becoming smaller.
- You avoid social situations because the food feels unpredictable.
- You spend a lot of mental energy worrying about food being “right.”
- Your nutrition is suffering because your rules have become difficult to meet.
- You experience significant distress when a food, brand, or meal changes.
- Family members, friends, or healthcare professionals have expressed concern about how restricted your eating has become.
- You find yourself thinking, “I’d rather not eat than eat something different.”
Another useful question to ask yourself is:
“Am I choosing this food because I genuinely prefer it, or because I feel unable to cope with any other option?”
There is nothing wrong with having preferred foods. In fact, preferred foods can play an important role in helping people meet their nutritional needs. However, when food rules become so rigid that they increase stress, reduce nutrition, or stop you from participating in everyday life, it may be a sign that building some additional flexibility could be helpful.
Remember, flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your preferred foods. It means having more options available when life doesn’t go according to plan.
Food Shame: The Hidden Driver of Food Rigidity
One factor that often gets overlooked is shame. Many people carry significant shame about what they eat. They may believe:
- “I eat like a child.”
- “I should be eating healthier.”
- “Normal people don’t eat this.”
- “I shouldn’t need safe foods.”
- “I’m failing because I can’t eat what others eat.”
When shame shows up every time you eat, eating becomes emotionally exhausting.
If you feel ashamed of a food, you’re less likely to eat it publicly. You may stop buying it altogether. Eventually, your list of acceptable foods becomes smaller and smaller which can result in more restriction, anxiety and pressure.
And because we eat multiple times every day, shame can become something we experience repeatedly throughout the day.
For many people, one of the most important first steps in recovery is not changing the food itself but changing the story attached to it.
Instead of asking:
“Why do I eat this?”
It can be helpful to ask:
“What purpose is this food serving right now?”
Perhaps it is:
- Responding to hunger
- Providing reliable nutrition or energy
- Meeting sensory or nervous-system needs
- Making eating possible during a difficult period
- Supporting executive functioning
- Helping you get through a busy day
Food does not need to be perfect to be helpful.
Why Food Flexibility Helps Recovery
Food flexibility is not about forcing yourself to eat everything, it is about creating more options.
When you have more options, you become less dependent on things being exactly right before you can eat.
Examples of food flexibility might include:
- Accepting a different brand of yoghurt when your usual one is unavailable
- Having two breakfast options instead of one
- Eating takeaway, frozen meals, or “breakfast food” when cooking feels impossible
- Using frozen vegetables instead of fresh vegetables
- Swapping one preferred food for another similar food
These changes may seem small, but they can have a significant impact on nutrition, stress levels, and daily functioning.
Flexibility is often built through hundreds of small flexible moments rather than one dramatic change.
It’s Also Okay to Not Be Flexible Sometimes
An important part of self-acceptance is recognising that flexibility is not required at every meal.
Some days are harder than others.
When you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, sick, burnt out, highly anxious, or recovering from a difficult experience, familiar foods may be exactly what you need.
Examples include:
- Eating the same breakfast every day during a stressful work week
- Choosing a familiar takeaway meal during a period of burnout
- Relying on preferred foods during sensory overload
- Packing predictable foods when travelling
Increasing your ability to be flexible when it serves you, while also respecting the times when predictability genuinely supports your wellbeing are two sides of the same coin.
It’s about making sure the routines are helping you rather than trapping you.
Practical Ways to Build Food Flexibility to Help Address Rigid Thinking Around Food
If flexibility feels difficult, start small.
You might try:
1. Create a “safe food plus one” approach
Keep a familiar food and add one small variation alongside it, such as a different brand, flavour or way of cooking
2. Build a backup list
Create a list of alternative meals for when your preferred option isn’t available.
3. Challenge food labels
Notice when you describe foods as “good,” “bad,” “junk,” or “healthy.”
Try replacing these labels with neutral descriptions.
4. Explore the shame
Ask yourself:
- What foods do I feel bad about?
- Where did those beliefs come from?
- Are these beliefs helping me eat more consistently?
5. Focus on function
Instead of asking whether a food is perfect, ask:
“Will this help me nourish myself today?”
More Options, Not Perfect Eating
Whether your rigidity comes from an eating disorder, neurodivergence, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or a combination of factors, the goal isn’t to become the world’s most adventurous eater.
The goal is to create enough flexibility that food takes up less mental space.
Sometimes recovery from this looks like trying a new food.
Sometimes recovery looks like eating the preferred food without shame.
Both can be meaningful steps forward.
The more compassion you can bring to your eating experiences, the more room there is for flexibility to grow.
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